change of seasons

Posted on September 22nd, 2014 by mountain girl  |  9 Comments »

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Happy first day of fall (it begins at 10:29 tonight)!  Can you believe summer is just about over?  Or maybe I’m the only one who feels summer was way too short this year.

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I’ve noticed that some of the changing aspens seem redder than usual, which I reeeeaaallly like–probably because it reminds me of the Northeast.  Plus, they are just waaaay prettier that way. 🙂

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We still have lots of Colorado-style yellow ones, too.  No love lost there.  (Ok, I guess they’re nice too.)

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We went to a park every day this weekend–including Friday, which is part of the weekend when you live in Gilpin County.  I guess we’re all a little sad to see summer go, and we’re trying to soak up the last warm days before winter sets in.  It will probably come with a bang–like a giant snowstorm right at the end of one of these nice, sunny days.

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Caleb and Zia have settled into the swing (! oh the mind is a beautiful thing) of school.  Zia has even *mostly* stopped moaning about all the work she does there–she moped to the same tune in home school–and seems to finally be enjoying first grade.  Which is a good thing, ’cause it don’t get any easier from here on out, babe.

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This boy is completely enveloped in the throes of two.  Don’t let that sweet smile fool you.  He’s got a giant NO in the front of his brain and at the tip of his tongue, always.

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And don’t let this sweet smile fool you.  I’m still wading through a mud puddle, but it’s gone from the blahs to patiently plugging along (immersed in a raw feeling similar to wearing my skin inside out) until I see what’s next.  Don’t worry, I’m not going to leave the kids and David and go to Las Vegas in heels and a miniskirt to start a blingy new life under the neon.  I’m staying right here in this sweet home with these peeps I love so much, getting them off to school in the morning, reading and bathies and brushing teeth at night, and locking horns with my very contrary boy (or shall I say the littlest contrary boy) all day long.  Hint: above pic.

And in between, finding what it is I’m crying for inside–a better and deeper and stronger way to live my life.  I don’t want to get to the end and realize I wasted it away on my own little hobbies and elite ideas.  I want something to show for it.  Something that, in the end,  helped people in need–that brought love to the loveless, food to the hungry, life to the dying, a friend to the lonely.

Honestly, I could care less about the people outside my little circle, but that’s just the problem.  When I stand before God, He might just ask me if I learned to love.  I might say I learned to love Him, but is that even true if I don’t care that His kids are starving and homeless and orphans and hurting?

So I feel like my whole life is being uprooted and turned over and nakedly gazed at, and everything I thought worthwhile in my little tiny sphere of life is suddenly worth very, very little.

And so I wait–for an answer, for a direction, for something to turn the course of my life and my heart and my hands and my feet.

9 Responses to “change of seasons”

  1. Mom & Dad says on :

    Hi honeeeee…. The “aspen view ‘day'”is 9/25 in high park….it looked like the aspens were going to miss it but they turned really quickly yesterday…..it got a little cooler and a lot windy…..wow those little ones sure are growing 🙂 and they are so beautiful!!!!! And a very cutable mom & dad too 🙂 have a very wonderful fall day 🙂 luv u/ mom

  2. Mom & Dad says on :

    P.S. So very glad Mimi got the computer working – I know how that feels….can’t live with it and can’t live without it :(. :)/mom

  3. Lyssa says on :

    Honesty is the first step towards positive change.

    I have not read Seven, so I’ll look for it next time I’m at the library. I’m finishing up Daring Greatly by Brene Brown, and it is definitely what I needed right now!

  4. mountain girl says on :

    Lyssa,
    I’ll have to check that one out, too. Books are a great thing these days–so nice to curl up with on cool/rainy (snowy?!) days!

  5. mountain girl says on :

    Mom,
    I didn’t even know there was an Aspen View Day! I wonder if we have one here, or if it’s the same day? Thanks for the compliment, hehe! We’re cutable just ’cause we have cutable moms ‘n dads. And we’re glad about Mimi’s computer, too. 🙂

  6. Robin says on :

    I went through something similar a few years ago, though at a very different time in life. I needed change and meaning and depth and Me. I needed identity beyond Steve’s wife and Kristin and Taylor’s mom. It took about a year to figure it out. About the time Taylor was graduating high school and my nest was about to empty I made my changes.

    It will work out. Enjoy as much of the process as you can.

  7. mountain girl says on :

    Thanks, Robin. It’s good to know someone else on the planet can relate, lol. I always appreciate your kind words of experience!

  8. appleshoe says on :

    Sorting through my mothers things my sister found this poem. I have no idea where it came from, but maybe it will help you.
    “Where should I work today dear Lord?”
    And my love flowed warm and free.
    He answered and said,
    “See that little place?
    Tend that place for Me”
    I answered and said, “Oh no! Not there!
    No one would ever see
    No matter how well my work was done,
    Not that place for me!”
    His voice, when He spoke, was soft and kind,
    He answered me tenderly,
    “Little one, search that heart of thine,
    Are you working for them or ME?
    Nazareth was a little place, and so was Galilee.”
    Author Unknown

  9. mountain girl says on :

    Mercy,
    That’s pretty awesome–thanks for posting it! I’m enjoying all your comments–good to hear from you!

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